B.B. creams and my scheme for becoming the Hulk.

I have many dream jobs.  Many dream jobs.  I dream of being a makeup artist to the celebrities (though I hear from Laura Mercier that you have ZERO-POINT-ZERO life when you achieve such a status).  I dream of doing animation voice-overs for cartoons because apparently my impressions of Butters and the oh-long-Johnson cat are impeccable.  I dream of writing for fashion and beauty publications (so feel free to pay me for this any time, or do you pride yourself in robbing the poor and disenfranchised?).  I dream of being a spectacular teacher that is somehow able to incorporate culture and film and art into every lesson on American history.  I dream of being a model because I’m hot for approximately two out of seven days during the week so long as I remember to shower and check my feet for toe jam.  I dream of being a professional restaurant reviewer that literally must only eat the best food your sorry fanny can serve up in a five-star kitchen.  And bring me a side of Takis with that lobster bisque, you lemming!

But most of all … I dream of being paid for the oh-so-miserable task of reviewing makeup products.  And I’m even willing to be a human tester for the unfinished products too so the lab rabbits no longer have to suffer!  Animal testing typically involves a product being placed directly on to an animal’s eyes or skin, and if they go crazy from pain and perhaps break their own necks while struggling to free themselves from the restraint they’re being held in, then the consensus is that the formula probably needs some improvement before showing up at your local drugstore as the latest and greatest liquid foundation to slather all over your face.  Am I making this up?  Nope.  So test unfinished products on my eyes, I say!  Maybe a  faulty new eyeliner formula will turn my eyes violet and I can be Elizabeth Taylor come back from the dead with a search-and-destroy mission on Lindsay Lohan for soiling my good name with Liz & Ick (you read that right).  Or even better, a testing of a bad moisturizer will turn me into the Hulk (the Ed Norton kind).  I’ve always wanted to be able to open tightly-sealed jars of salsa without crying and bruising my fingerbones.  HULK SMASH SALSA JAR!  Or maybe it’ll just turn me into Ed Norton.  Either way, I’ll get more respect and more free meals.

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So for the moment, I’ll choose to review a product that’s already passed the rabbit-neck-break test.  Actually, I don’t think the B.B. cream I’ve tried even had a rabbit-neck-break test to begin with because the brand I’ve used says a big fat no to lab rabbits (or as I like to call them, “labbits”)!  That brand would be Boscia, by the way.  It’s a Japanese skincare line that’s a little more on the pricier end of things, but they produce some seriously good stuff.

I first read about B.B. creams (or Beauty Balms, or Blemish Balms) maybe two years ago, I believe in either Vogue or Elle.  The idea sounded fantastic, like the ultimate multifunctional tinted moisturizer.  Their alleged purpose is to provide hydration, conceal imperfections and give natural coverage, firm and even out skin tone, protect from future damage with SPF, and repair existing flaws with ingredients like antioxidants.  It read like a hybrid of makeup and skincare.  They’d originated in Japan and had already started trickling into the United States through brands like Dr. Jart, Boscia, and Dior, and I was interested.  I’m not really into foundation (especially for everyday use), but the idea of something that could provide a light bit of evening-out along with sun protection sounded like a good way to ramp up my routine.

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I purchased the Boscia B.B. Cream SPF 27 PA++ (with PA being a superior grade of UVA protection) at Sephora and gave it a shot.  And you know what?  I liked it, and I still use it!  It comes in one self-adjusting shade and it blends extraordinarily well.  I also can’t express enough appreciation for it’s lack of phthalates, parabens, and sulfates (though it still has PEGs and lots of “-cones”). Now, have I tried any other B.B. creams?  Nope?  Do I intend to?  Nope.  I’ve found a high-quality one that I love and, as far as I know, is the most natural one currently on the market counting both drugstore and luxury brands.  And as I’ve explained before, I’d rather pay more for safer, higher-quality ingredients (or at the very least, fewer sketchy ingredients), especially when it comes to face makeup.  So do I recommend this product?  Yes.  Below, I’ve applied a light layer of the B.B. cream.  Pretty even with a decently dewy finish, I’d say.

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And there you have it- my one review of the only B.B. cream I’ll probably ever use (and I don’t wear it everyday because I don’t wear makeup everyday), and my plan to give myself up for animal rights so I can become the Hulk or an undead Liz Taylor or a reasonably healthy Ed Norton.  Be at peace now that your day has been nothing short of MADE.  xo, MR

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